it’s ok to be in process ‘cuz that’s where I am

I’ve been in process for a while now. I don’t know when I’m gonna come out, but it feels good to be there and not rushing to share everything I’m making like I usually do. I think, for me, not being in a state of “constant content” was a point of shame for well…MOST of the time I’ve been an artist. Baha. Oh Lord.

Things that used to feed me as a 26 year old are not feeding me anymore as a 36 year old (and yes, I mean that both literally and metaphorically). I’ve had to take stock of how I’ve been putting out my energy, where I’m putting it, and decide whether or not it was good for me to do what I was doing. It wasn’t. It was just another extension of my people pleasing personality, even though I thought it was different this time. So, I’m in process now. For me. Not you. Sorry. 

I’m actually proud to be where I am now, so if anyone asks that godawful “what are you working on right now” question at a theatre opening: I’m writing! I’m a writer. Without apologies. And for the record, I really love what I’m making and how I’m making it right now! 

That said, I want to be better at not hiding the good, bad, and ugly parts of my process while I’m in it. So that’s what I’m going to do my best to do. Which – deep breath – scares me. But working through the ugly parts of my art has always been the most rewarding part of what I do, so I really think it’s worth it to share! So…yeah. I hope you’re having a great day. I feel like I don’t know how to end this. Ok…no YOU hang up. Love you bye.